The guilt of being Okay

People are never happy. Some are okay some are far from that. I feel bad for those who are hopeless in their lives. Who lost the need to live. Who gets emotionally abused and feels like dying is a better option. But I am different. Some people got survivor's guilt. I got this being okay's guilt. I am okay not happy but okay. Okay than others. And it makes me feel guilty. Why I have to be the one? Why I got all this pressure? Created by my mind. And days pass by the guilt gets heavier. I could have been normal. I fear having this guilt forever. Cause guilt never lets you be happy. Or maybe I fear that all the "Okay" things I got now I have to payback as much worse in the future. I am no bitch, but sometimes I wish I was one heartless cold bad bitch.